Can you imagine how it must feel to walk around on a daily basis feeling a sense of inner calm and peace?  Feeling like you are doing well, you are happy with your lot, you can handle your daily life, you are planning for the future, taking care of yourself and your family and you do that deep contented sigh. And maybe smile to yourself whilst gazing out the window.

That is how a strong sense of self worth feels.

It’s quiet, it is content, it is strong, it is open, it is prepared and it is lovely.

But is that how you feel?  I didn’t used to feel that way, I used to feel like this:

Manic, panicky, afraid, silenced, putting up with behaviours I didn’t like, but not able to deal with them so they triggered me and then I behaved in a way that wasn’t my true self which lead to guilt and shame and self loathing, and it just kept me spiralling down until I’d burn out. And then I’d start the same cycle, over and over and over again.

And on the outside I looked shiny – good job, nice house, lovely family, friends, holidays, and a great big smile on my face to hide it all.  I saw how others were judged when they expressed how they really felt 

You’ll be fine they would say, someone else is always worse off than you, just get over it, are you still going on about that, its time to move on

and so I shoved my feelings, deeper and deeper inside until I was numb.  

And I kept on smiling and saying I’m fine.

Are you smiling and saying you are fine?

This is because you are carrying a self-worthiness wound.

At some point in your life, usually in early childhood (even if you had a lovely childhood) something will have happened to you which overwhelmed you.  As a result of this overwhelm you suffered one of the following self-worthiness wounds

I am not enough

I am not important

I am not worthy

I am not loveable.

Or possibly, like me, all of them.

The daily triggering of a self-worthiness results in behaviours that are not in line with your true self, how many times have you heard yourself say, that’s just not me, it came from nowhere and then you feel guilt and shame for the behaviour triggering another self-worthiness wound. And so it goes on and on and on. Until the day arrives when you read this post and it resonates with you and you start to get curious.  Yes, just curious.  There is a softening starting to happen in society, there are more posts about intergenerational trauma and its impacts on our minds and bodies.  There is a growing sense of the need for more compassion and to understand that all behaviour is about communication and if we could pause just for a second and soothe our self-worthiness wounds before they are triggered we will all feel the benefit.

So please, start today, just for 5 minutes and be present, be aware, check in with your body, notice how it feels, identify where the tension is and just ask it, why are you there, what is your purpose, what are you trying to tell me? And get curious.

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