Narcissistic Abuse

The ways a Narcissist can abuse are endless, they will stoop to any level to protect themselves.

The abuse can show up in many forms:

Of course all narcissists will operate differently, but below are some typical tactics that Narcissists use:

Love Bombing

The typical initial stages of a relationship with a narcissistic personality where the narcissist goes all out to impress their target with flattery, holidays, promises of a future together. This is not just in romantic relationships, love bombing can also happen with friendships or workplace relationships. The target believes that they have met their perfect partner/friend/colleague – only to be bitterly let down.

Not respecting boundaries

Boundaries are an unwritten set of rules which we consider to be reasonable behaviour from those around us. Narcissists DO NOT respect boundaries, they actively discourage them and will get angry or sulky if you try to set or enforce them.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a mentally healthy individual is subjected to conditioning behaviour so that they doubt their own sanity. The target starts to believe that their perception of reality is false. 

The narcissist may simply deny saying something didn’t happen when it did, tell you that you heard wrong or lie about an event or situation. Over time a victim starts to think they are confused and going crazy. They come to rely more and more on the narcissist to keep them right.

Creating Flying Monkeys

Flying monkeys are people who have been convinced by the narcissist that he or she is in fact the real victim. They inflict further harm on the actual target of the Narcissists abuse by submitting to the narcissist’s wishes and demands. They may threaten, torment, discredit or add fuel to a smear campaign by spreading lies and gossip.

Hoovering

When a narcissist attempts to suck their victims back into a relationship. Hoovering often takes place after the victim has left the relationship, distanced themselves or after a period of the silent treatment. They will use every trick in the book to get the person back under their power and control. They often promise to change their behaviour or say that they have already changed dramatically.

Invalidation

A manipulative tactic used to get a victim to believe that their thoughts, opinions and beliefs are wrong, unimportant or don’t matter.

Baiting

A narcissist loves to provoke a reaction from victims, especially in public. They will provoke them into responding in an angry or emotional manner, and the angry response is further evidence of their unbalanced state of mind.

Mirroring

Without realising it, a child will often mirror the behaviours of a narcissistin their life. This mirroring, if not recognised by the child can continue into adulthood and can then impact future relationships and their own approach to parenting.  Children are like sponges, they absorb information and behaviours, both positive and negative.

Projecting

A narcissist is an expert at projecting their own character flaws or bad behaviour onto others. They will not hold themselves accountable for any wrong-doing and will blame others for the very things that they do themselves. The main objective is to make themselves feel superior.

Scapegoating

The scapegoat is blamed by the narcissist (and subsequently the rest of the family or group) for just about everything that goes wrong. A child in a family may be singled out and subjected to unwarranted negative treatment.

Reactive abuse 

When the narcissist has provoked the person they are abusing into reacting in an extreme way (that is generally outside of their character) to their abuse and manipulation. The narcissist then retaliates by calling the victim the abuser because of how insulting/rude/disrespectful they are being.

Triangulation

Narcissists thrive on chaos. They provoke rivalry and jealousy between people, creating triangles in order to boost their own sense of self.